The Holy Potato

Dear Diary,


Of the people i have told not one person found this funny, but i don’t care. In short, in Spanish the word for 'Pope' is the same as that of 'Potato'. There, i've done it.

hahahahahahaha

ahem. we shall continue with Matthew 1:1-2:23


Since my last email i have left Brazil to sneak into Columbia (shh i was illegal), then hopped over the river into Peru and a quick boat (it goes about the same speed and makes just as much noise as the train from Liverpool Lime St to Preston) to Iquitos, the largest city in the world with no road or rail links.

Having another Matt Moment of luck, i happened to run into an American who was the editor of the only English newspaper in Peru, hmm...me thinks its fate. He invited me to have a look round his paper and share ideas etc.

In short, his paper was rubbish

I know all i have is some little degree in Journalism, so three years being taught the ins and outs of that business we call show, and work experience at some of the biggest newspapers in the UK, and also experience of another English language newspaper in South America, so i am not exactly an expert, but it was pure drivel.

An example, its a monthly paper and for the April edition they have an April Fool joke on the front page. It runs for a whole month for goodness sake!!! the page layout was wrong, not lined up, the content was boring and what was basically said in all guide books was simply reprinted, and as for the American editor, well don’t get me started on him...

Ok, lets get started. I was walking with him and we went past a restaurant owned my a Texan bloke. The editor had left his restaurant out of the 'Good Restaurant Guide' in the paper and he was annoyed. So, to avoid making this email that bit too long it ended something like this, I quote;

" I'm gonna kick your ass"
" I'd like to see you try un' kick my ass"
" That’s it i'm gonna kick your yello bellied behind"
" You touch me and i´ll get my bat and haul your ass into that there street"
" I'd like to see you try old man"
" Yeah!"
" Yeah!"
" Yeah!"
" Yeah!"

it carried on.

So apart from stupid childlike Americans who most definitely keep the lawyers in business in this town (they are actually suing each other, i am glad i gave my false name as Charlie Brown so i canni get called up as witness) Iquitos is a really cool city.

I went to see a Shaman the other night, which was an amazing experience. I went out to the middle of the jungle where I was given this drink called 'ayahuasca' which heightens the senses and gives hallucinations. Yes i know what your thinking, but i did not take it as a drug simply to get a high,. it actually was to see if i do have any kind of spirituality inside me as the little faith that i used to have has now totally been banished!

The first 15 minutes was amazing. We were in a dark room with the Shaman in a corner singing and making the strangest noises i have ever heard. The sounds of the Amazon Jungle combined with the Shaman made the feeling s even more intense. I saw loads of animals marching in front of my eyes, it was like a merry-go-round but the animals were free. It is really hard to explain, but unfortunately that was about it. Soon after i was sick and basically lost the visions i was having. Still, i really did feel closer to something whilst i was in that room, such a weird and unfamiliar atmosphere, most certainly recommended if ever travelling to these parts.

And there endith the lesson

Amen,



Pasta Matt